Peace Like A River

One of my dear friends has asked me to post more blogs, but honestly I have had nothing of import to say.  Sadly, I think that means that I haven't been close enough to God lately to hear him whispering in my ear.  Actually he was shouting at me this summer to resign my position on the Women's Ministry Team, but I in my great wisdom thought He must have been mistaken and dragged it out for a few more months before finally doing so.  Of course it was the right decision and added to my being stripped down (see previous posts). 

 

What has prompted this post is another bout of fasting, which in the Biblical mandate is meant to draw you closer to God, seek wisdom and answer to prayer, and understand His plan for you.  I set aside 3 days of fasting and praying because I needed peace about a decision Bill and I had already made about traveling for two months this spring.  Backwards, I know.  I'm supposed to pray and fast BEFORE I make the decision, but alas that is not how it played out, and as a consequence, I was having an attitude and fear problem.  As I sit here on day 3 with my stomach rumbling in the background and my mind a little foggy and addled, I have heard from my faithful God.

 

I specifically asked God to work on my selfishness, greed, independent spirit and fear. 

 

1.  How to combat selfishness.  This is Paul speaking:

 

          If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose.   Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.  Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.  Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:  Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in  human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and  became obedient to death - even death on a cross.  Philippians 2:1-8

How can I complain about some inconvenience or discomforts when my Lord was willing to be obedient to death?

 2.  Opposite of greed - generosity:  To me generosity is both submitting yourself to God's will and trusting God to provide so you don't feel the need to hang onto things.  God brought me to these verses:

 

          So do not worry saying, "What shall we eat?" or "What shall we drink?" or "What shall we wear?"  But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Matthew 6: 31, 33

Interestingly, God also gave me Matthew 6:33 when I was panicking about moving to California suddenly for 5 months last year.  My mind is not a steel trap but a sieve.  We have a saying at our house: The mind is a terrible thang.  And a common retort to "I was thinking..." is "Does it hurt?"

Anyway, when I lie awake at night "hyperplanning" as I call it, I am not seeking God's kingdom first, but my own.  Not God's righteousness, but my own.  Isaiah so graphically told us that "all our righteous acts are like filthy rags."  Hold onto your delicate ears, but he's talking about used Tampax.  Ick.  Seek Him first and await His provision, which has never disappointed, and not grab what I can for myself. 

 

3.  How to combat my independent spirit - dependence on God.  I came across these verses:

 

          If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt.  James 1:5-6a

 

          I will trust and not be afraid.  The Lord, the Lord is my strength and my song. Isaiah 12:2b

 

          But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in  weakness." 2 Cor 12:9

 

4:  Opposite of fear - trust and peace.  I came across these verses:

 

          This is what the Lord says...Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.  Isaiah 43:1

 

          The Lord gives strength to His people, the Lord blesses His people with peace. Psalm 29:11

 

          Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west.  Isaiah 43:5

This last verse is significant to me because we are traveling from west to east to visit children and back again.

 

And my personal favorite, which a friend just posted on FB yesterday:

 

          May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.  Romans 15:13

 

I was reading Psalm 29 from my Moravian text daily reading.  It focuses on praising and worshipping God. So I got out an old hymnal and just opened it up randomly, looking for a song I recognized (I was not raised in the church so don't know that many hymns).  I opened to the section labeled "Assurance and Trust."  Perfect, I thought, but I don't know any of these songs.  I flipped forward a few pages - nope.  I flipped back 2 pages and landed on my very favorite hymn of all time: It Is Well With My Soul.  I can rarely sing this hymn without crying because God brought it to mind when my father died and it is very meaningful to me.  The first verse:

 

When peace like a river attendeth my way, when sorrows like sea billows roll. Whatever my lot Thou hast taught me to say, It is well, it is well with my soul. 

 

Couldn't have said it better. 

Coda: I woke up on the 4th day feeling like Scrooge on Christmas morning.  I actually woke up with a smile, despite not having slept well the last 3 nights (I understand now when people say they were so hungry they couldn't sleep).  I was ready and raring to go.  Eager to buy a goose for the Cratchits and a new crutch for Tiny Tim.  As I emptied my stomach and my soul, the God of hope had filled with me with all joy and peace so that I was and am overflowing with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. 

 

 

 

Creatures Great and Small

I feel like this has been a year of extra creatures flitting, crawling and startling into my life.  I was surprised to encounter 3 different bugs in our California apartment, besides the usual spiders.  I mean it's in the middle of concrete so I wondered how they got in.  They were:

1) a creepy black worm-like creature under my dining room chair:

Seriously, what is that thing?

2) lots of crickets - I think; and
3) 2 different cockroaches, both inducing a scream, one of which was at 4:00 am when it ran across my foot.  Sorry neighbors, but little feet on your feet at 4:00 am require a shriek.

So let's move on to nicer creatures that make us smile and buy stuffed animals.  We went to the beach often and usually saw at least whale spouts, if not actual whale flesh, plus a large flock of pelicans and this sea lion. 

 

There were also a pair of ducks that wandered around our apartment building and were the only ones who thought the pool wasn't too cold to use.  I didn't realize they were Jewish, but I caught them with a tiny fiddle on the roof one night. 



 

So enough of California.  Oregon is the real wilderness!  When we returned home, our animals were in fine form, and Ellie May couldn't wait to get busy catching mice:

 

Korina, Buckwheat and Sammy Davis assured me that were in fact STARVING and I'd better feed them masses of green stuff IMMEDIATELY.



 



For the first time I had two chickens get broody at the same time and even tried to shove their ample rumps into the same nest to sit on eggs.  Of course I never had my camera ready when they did this, but this was their compromise. 

 

Strangely, none of the eggs they were sitting on ever hatched.  I don't know if the extreme heat cooked them or what happened, but after a 5-week vacation I put Miss Brown Betty back to work. There were, however, other tiny fowl in our yard:

Baby robins in the pear tree



My neighbor's guinea hens with 3 keets



 

If you've never heard a guinea hen, they sound like screeching bicycle brakes.  I mean, exactly like screeching bicycle brakes.  It's a horrible noise.  And they've adopted us for some reason.


Note:  Over the years we have had the following escaped neighbor's animals in our yard: a horse, cows, dogs (with a collar, with a collar and a chain attached, and with a collar, chain, and stake attached), goats, ducks, chickens, guinea hens, and cats. 



This was the year of the wasp.  Amazingly I haven't been stung yet, compared to 3 times last summer.  I've been waging battle against them and spraying soapy water out of water guns on them at dusk.  Here's the biggest nest that we can't seem to get enough thrust from our gun to knock down.

 

This next one wins the prize for creepiest.  While my brother was visiting we were sitting on the patio in the evening chatting when this bugzilla was drawn to the patio light.  There was more screaming than a Justin Bieber concert, especially when it landed on his stomach.  Our 1-2 punch with a golf club and clog beheaded it and killed it 3 times over, although it continued gruesomely twitching much longer. We discovered it was a California Prionus beetle.

 

And the rest...

Baby Praying Mantis!

A pair of hummingbirds were frequent visitors

 

 

Okay, this isn't really wild, but it's BIG, and we all know that bigger is better!

 

We also have a brown barn owl that flies very low over our heads at dusk, and of course the coyotes, both howling in packs and singly drooling at our chicken coop at daybreak.  And I didn't mention all the DEAD animals.  Oh vey, our burn pile floweth over with them (because that's where all carcasses go out here in hillbilly country).  The ones I can remember are 2 hens, 1 large rat, 10 baby rats, birds, a mole, plus sundry mousey parts, especially little beady eyes that Ellie May left for our viewing pleasure on the door mat. 

 

So not exactly James Herriott.  More like...the Clampett's dinner menu.

 

 



Oregon, My Oregon

Despite contracting a stomach bug one week before returning to Oregon, I anxiously packed up and shipped out of the "Luxury" Homestead Apartments.  I had been feeling very melancholy about leaving my new-found friends and also my daughter, but as we put hundreds of miles behind us and the landscape revealed grazing animals and thick stands of trees, I started to feel something new yet familiar.  I began to yearn to walk barefoot through green grass, drive on a two-lane country road, stroke the wooly coats of farm animals, and even flinch at the random shots of varmint-huntin' neighbors.  As I crested another curve in the Siskyous and was met with the "Oregon Welcomes You" sign, I actually teared up. 

 

We have a saying in our house.  "Wherever you go, there you are."  That is to say, don't blame your problems on circumstances or other people.  You are still the common factor in all of this.  There is a more positive and encouraging, but related message in Psalm 139:7-10. 

"Where can I go from your Spirit?  Where can I flee from your presence?  If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast."

The message is: Where ever you go, God is with you.   And of course, California was no exception (though some may argue it as God-forsaken - just saying).  There were many places I saw and felt God's presence.  Here are a few:

*The office person for our section of the apartment complex always had a Bible verse written on the board in her office.  No matter how many times we complained about things she was always smiling, kind and understanding.

*Zumba!  Yes, moving your body and sweating can be a spiritual experience.  Well, mostly the camaraderie of my fellow perspirers.  The teacher also blessed me with her kindness, enthusiasm and let's just be honest, the price of the class:  free!

*Old friends and relatives.  I was within oinking distance (inside joke) of my sister and her family, and food-consuming distance of an old middle school friend.

*Biola University.  Ever since the first time I set foot on the campus, I felt like I was in God's living room.  The place exudes love, joy, peace -- yes, all the fruit of the spirit.  Of course they aren't perfect, but I've never had more fun hanging out with college students. 

So of course on my return, God is here in Oregon too.  I feel different now, though, and somehow more exposed.  Months before I left Oregon, God was stripping down my responsibilities, activities and obligations.  I have been trying to put a description on how I feel about that and just figured it out today in my daily devotion.  I was reading about Adam and Eve and their big bust.  After their eyes were opened to right and wrong they looked down and noticed that "one of these things is not like the other."

Oh hey, that reminds me of a joke!  A preacher in town went out to visit a new parishioner to welcome her.  When he walked up to the house, her car was in the driveway and lights were on.  He knocked on the door but no one answered.  He walked around to the side to see if he could see someone inside.  He knocked again but no one answered.  He took out his business card and wrote on it, "Revelation 3:20."  That verse says, "Here I am! I stand at the door and knock.  If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me."  He slipped it under the door and left.  The next Sunday, his same card was found in the offering plate.  Curious he looked at it and noticed something written on the back of it.  It simply said, "Genesis 3:10."  Puzzled, he looked up the reference.  "I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid."

So back to Eve, no, that wasn't the revelation I had. It's that I feel naked, stripped down, completely uncovered and vulnerable.  Over the years I've had the bad habit of taking pride in my titles:  Mom, Mrs. Head Coach, Sunday School Teacher, Bible Study Leader, Women's Ministry Leader, Racquetball Player, Fundraiser, Budget Committee Member.  I've taken my identity from these club memberships, so to speak, rather than simply being a child of God, wonderfully and fearfully made in the image of God, designed to do good works for Him...but not to take credit for them.  It made me think of Isaiah 64:6: "...all our righteous acts are like filthy rags..."

I hate being naked, literally and figuratively.  There is no hiding the essence of who you are.  And as a side note, let me just make this recommendation for anyone over 40.  Don't ever get the hand mirror to look at the back and see what's been happening back there. Just imagine those images on the news of muddy landslide disasters.  Ignorance is bliss and in this case, knowledge is agony.  So how to cover myself again?

For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness.  Isa. 61:10

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted...to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. Isa 61:1, 3

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.  He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge.  Psalm 91:1, 4

Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature.  Romans 13:14

You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy. Psalm 30:11

You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ.  Galations 3:26-27

A song was brought to mind that I have never sung in church, but I believe Billy Graham always played this song when he gave the invitation to people to come forward:  Just As I Am.  The fifth verse goes like this:

Just as I am, poor, wretched, blind;
sight, riches, healing of the mind,
yea all I need in thee to find,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Whether in California or Oregon I can go just as I am, without titles, importance, or even wealth.  "...even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast."

 

Back on the farm

GEN-YOO-INE

Well for today I was a REAL farmer.  I moved and stacked

about 800 pounds of hay in the barn for my little goatlets. 

 

Who is my neighbor?

Now that it's May I'm aware of the clock ticking down on our California adventure.  I frantically think of the things I wanted to do but have not.  Most prominent in my mind is my failure to make friends with my neighbors.  I had such grand intentions of being the neighbor everyone loved:

*Bringing home-baked pies and cookies to their doors.
*Offering to babysit their children after school.
*Pouring tea while giving them wise counsel. 

Um, none of this happened.  But to be fair, what I had to work with was greatly lacking also. 

My downstairs neighbor I call the Smoker.  I never got more than "Hi" out of her mouth, besides a daily -- and nightly -- stream of smoke that seeped into every corner of my apartment, even with the windows closed.  I heard she worked as a waitress, but she sure didn't seem to leave much, at least not according to the schedule of smoke floating upwards. 

Across from our bedroom and kitchen are the Yellers, the dynamic duo of Indian college students, top and bottom apartments.  Not sure how many live in there, anywhere from 3 to 5 in each, but at 1:00 am it sounds like half of New Delhi.  We learned from our hot tub Indian friends (to be explained later) that in their culture they often eat dinner at 11:00 pm, midnight, or later.  And apparently when they cook they must yell to their roommates the whole time, who of course must yell back.  The downstairs apartment dwellers have a patio facing us that acts as a beer bottle recycle plant and a Cone of Cacophony.  You've heard of the Cone of Silence?  Well this is the Cone of Cacophony.  They are unaware that anyone else may hear them "talking" at 2:00, 3:00, or 4:00 in the morning.  In fact they talk so loud that when Bill tries to yell out the window to ask them to be quiet, he has to try several times before they hear him.  We have, unfortunately, complained to management multiple times because they don't seem to understand that we don't want to be woken up in the middle of the night.  I always smile and say hi when I see them and they smile back, but they're probably muttering Indian curses about a million camel fleas to infest my bed or something. 

Then there are the Night Phoners.  These may come from the same apartment of the Yellers, but I don't walk out at 4:00 am to check.  These are the guys who want to talk to their family members back in India at 4:00 am. Being ever so considerate of their roommates, they step outside under our window -- so that their neighbors can hear their conversations instead. 

Lastly, there is the sweet family across the way on the other side.  Mom, Dad, 8-year-old boy and 3-year-old girl.  Okay, so I tried to befriend them.  I invited mom and daughter over for a tea party.  The little girl was so excited she basically did gymnastics in my apartment the whole time (don't know if the Smoker got to enjoy that or not) and was too excited to actually eat the treats.  Mom was very nice, but never once asked anything about me.  I still enjoyed finding out about them, but unfortunately it ended with a blood-curdling tantrum when they had to leave. (She has at least one of these a day, by the way, that I can enjoy from the comfort of my own apartment).  I was still hoping they would invite me over to their place for a tea party or to play Candyland, but it never materialized and I never had the guts to make a pest of myself. 

So here it is with 3 weeks left to go and I have nothing on the Good Samaritan.  Instead I'm the bad Oregonian!  Even Mister Rogers wouldn't want to be my neighbor.  We did, however, befriend the aforementioned hot tub buddies.  They are two Indian college students who soaked in the hot tub every night while enjoying a six-pack of beer.  They were very friendly and even brought us some curry one night.  I basically had to wash the curry sauce off of my chicken before eating it and it still felt like hot coals.  One night they explained that that particular day was the celebration day of one of their Hindu gods.  They then produced a tiny statue of this god on a key chain and handed it to us to look at.  I accidentally baptized the little god in the hot tub.  Thankfully, this didn't end our friendship.

So I guess the moral of the story is: You know who your real friends are when you get into hot water.

The Pit of Despair -- Oh the humility of it all

This morning I had one of those moments of realization wherein my cheeks flush red at the same time the light bulb in my brain flashes yellow. 

As I was getting in the shower I noticed that I had quite a bit of growth in the armpit area.  I had planned to shave it the day before but was in a hurry.  At the time I thought, "No big deal.  I do have Zumba class tonight, but no one will notice me in the back row. It can wait a day."  I always wear a tank top because I can't stand to have hot shoulders when I sweat. 

So, no problem except the teacher asked me to lead the cool down song.  A worshipful, lyrical song that involves lots of plies and sweeping arm movements.  In fact, for the majority of the song, my arms were stretched overhead or out to the side.  My pits were revealed in all their black, stubbly glory for a full 3 minutes, elevated above the class. 

The song goes like this:
It's your breath
In our lungs.
So we pour out our praise, we pour out our praise.
It's your breath
In our lungs.
So we pour out our praise to you only. 

The class members were probably thinking:
There is hair
In your pits.
So we avert our gaze, we avert our gaze
There is hair
In your pits.
So next time we will buy you a razor.

Life Preservers

I woke up this morning to discover that someone had slipped a life preserver around my hips while I slept.  Unfortunately, it did not slip off when pushed.  These are my theories of how it appeared.

1.  I dreamt I was drowning and David Hasselhoff saved me.
2.  My husband was dreaming I was Pamela Anderson and he saved her.
3.  The road to my kitchen in this cozy bungalow is much too short and paved with Oreos.  And Girl Scout Thin Mint cookies.

As Carrie Underwood said, "Jesus, take the me-ee-eal.  Take it from my hands.  I can't eat this on my own.  Jesus, take the meal."  Or something like that. 

I've been trying to zumbacize the weight off as fast as it comes on, but it's not working.  I have to face the fact that I eat too much when I'm bored or just want a distraction.  In my Daily Bread reading, Bill Crowder referenced an interview with Amy Adams who played Lois Lane in the Man of Steel, explaining the film's appeal:  "Who doesn't want to believe that there's one person who could come and save us from ourselves?"  Joking aside, I've come to believe that Jesus IS the only one who can save me from myself and my sugar addiction.  Yeshua Ha Mashiach.  His name even means "the Lord saves."

So while I would like to remove the ring around my waist, I certainly will hold tight to the loving arms wrapped around my shoulders.